My dating life right now is movies.

My dating life right now is movies. I’m dating movies that’s what I mean. I’ve taken Netflix and chill way too literally and I’m seriously, simply netflixing and chilling. And then a movie comes along and it makes you believe in love and I dress up, looking good, run to the door, only to remind myself that – I’m not out…so, how is this going to work out exactly?

It really is weird. You like a guy, you say something nice to him. Your gay radar is 70% certain that he might be gay. Now you’re past funny and totally flirting with him. Now he’s weirding out because he doesn’t know you to be gay and is thinking maybe you’re teasing him or trying to out him or yeah bro wtf! Then he starts talking about the girlfriend he doesn’t have and how shit shit shit I think we’re done here. Once again flashlight.

I’ve tried/try gay clubs as well. I get hit on by the occasional idiot, grandpa, twink and that hot guy who turns out to be a stripper but other than that no luck. And you can’t really talk to many guys, because everyone is constantly taking pics and I don’t want to end up on someone’s social profiles.

Online dating is HORRIBLE! But that’s another post, because I can write about it forever, just like you and anybody else.

By now you understand I have never officially dated a guy. Do I want to? Yes! Can I? Probably. Will I? I better! Maybe I’m not Mr. Jolie, but once you get to know me you’ll love me forever. OMG all the losers say that!!! I will never date!  Siri… please find me the closest bridge I can jump off.

Siri is the realest bitch! She just gave me a list of suicide prevention centers.I literally had to tell her that it was a joke, just in case some iPhone glitch does not call 911 or some shit. You think I’m being paranoid, wait till it happens to you. Like that time, I  burned my toast and had all the firefighters show up and I thought it was a surprise party lol.  They asked me if I was on drugs. Nope, just horny. Or that other time, I posted lyrics of that 911 song and my friend thought I was asking for help and almost called emergency.

There’s been a lot of guys I could have had a relationship with. There were signals, moves, but is so hard because you don’t know what happens after you come out to them. They might just come up with the – I’m not like that man – even though they clearly are. Like this guy who even called me twice at 2 A.M to ask me where I was and if I wanted to eat something (right?) but when I said come over he stopped replying. Or the one who kept asking if i could help him find a job, any job, any job at all he’ll do it and I was like, well…xxx. And he went on about how he is not gay etc etc. I didn’t even say gay! I had to explain that I was joking. Was I wrong? HELL NO! My gay radar is excellent! I remember watching straight porn as a teenager. Peter North was in it and I was like, this guy is gay. Well…if that doesn’t make me gay radar certified I don’t know what will.

So, yeah. I’m single. If you know somebody warn them lol

And since I said I’m dating movies. Here’s the movie I’m dating right now: “Les Amours Imaginaires” It’s about flirt,lust,love and gay radar. And it’s French! 💋

ps. Love Xavier Dolan and the fantastic Monia Chokri.

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