In The Closet

I never owned a closet big enough to hide in, but I think after awhile one becomes unnecessary . As you grow up everything becomes a closet anyway. Not just being bi or gay, but being an adult in general. The pressure you find yourself in, from everyday life, makes you hide a bit of yourself little by little until  one day you boom – explode. Which…would perfectly explain the middle life crisis. See? Three lines into this post and already feeling the Freud in me.  I am simply trying to explain why I’m not out. We all deal differently with our lives and as wrong as I might be in the eyes of many people I think I am more comfortable this way. At least for now. I’m not out to my family, simply because well, my siblings will never talk to me, my parents would probably have a heart attack (Yes, I am certain about that! Not being a drama queen but they both suffer of heart disease) and my friends, well my friends probably have guessed. I know. It might be temporary, and they might come around if I did tell them, but that temporary might be a year or ten, and no matter what, I can’t not have them in my life, which also makes you think that if they really love me, they should accept me as I am and just as I want them in my life they should want me in theirs. Fucks this is so confusing! Everybody thinks being different is cool until they are different. Cool is not easy dudes! I hate this drama  that comes with being gay. You have to constantly explain yourself and the stereotyping and so many other silly things that I just don’t need to have as a conversation starter. I love being gay! That’s all! I know who I am, and as long as I have that figured out, I’ll be fine. Maybe one day I’ll be drunk enough or pissed off enough or in love enough to scream at the top of my lungs I AM GAY! But until that day, I’ll be here IN THE CLOSET sharing my stories with you. This way you can understand me better, and help me understand myself better. This will be fun.

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